


Save The Last Dance For Me

by geekyartist



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Humanstuck, Multi, They dance a lot, cliche titles are cliche, it's fun, or whatever
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-06
Updated: 2014-07-02
Packaged: 2017-12-14 02:38:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/831768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geekyartist/pseuds/geekyartist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kankri Vantas is a young man interesting in society, so decides to participate. Damara Megido is a privileged rich kid who's been to more balls held by Society  than she'd like to admit, who sees Kankri  in need of a guiding hand.  Hilarity ensues.</p><p>Humanstuck AU where the hemospectrum is the ranking of society (Peixes are the richest, etc etc). Hence there forth, the Vantases are not on it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Exposition

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! So I've saw that the DamKri tag needed some multichapter fics and I provide a solution! Sorry if it's not all that good and slow to rise, but ey. I'm pretty pumped about it! Also, the first chapter is a little boring a rushed, I hope you stay tuned afterwards, however! And, the spacing is weird, I'll try and fix that later... anyhow, I hope you enjoy?

She had been to more of those things than she cared to know. It was never her choice to attend such events held by the Society, not that her opinions really mattered. No, she was expected to attend the mind-numbing balls, smile kindly, and respond to the same awful questions politely. Reply as a lady might, her grandfather had grumbled to her before her first ball. That was when she as fifteen. Nine years later, he ordered the same thing every time. Be a lady, Damara.

  
Her grandfather Doctor Damian Scratch had joined the Society in his younger and more vulnerable years, however, had never quite managed to leave after all his peers had died. I'm a doctor, for god's sake, not a socialite! was a common catchphrase of his. He didn't even seem to enjoy being part of Society. And yet, he attended the almost monthly balls, dinners, and fundraisers- dragging his daughter and grand-daughters with him.

  
She hated the Responsibilities of a young lady in society. Her sister Aradia didn't quite revel in the expectations either, but she was not nearly as bad Damara. Damara was carried into the events kicking and screaming every time.

  
Yet, here she was, brooding by a window in the corner, drinking (non-surprisingly) fantastic champagne, glaring out at the people laughing and dancing. Over the many years of watching the same people over and over, she had begun to see a pattern in their habits- a dance, if you could call it that.

  
She watched as the Pyrope family waltz in (late, as always). The Pyropes were considered Middle Class in Society, but everywhere else, were Upper Class. The father was tall, quiet man, who never really spoke unless absolutely needing to. The mother was a terrifying looking woman; cheekbones like knives, shoulders just would put 1980's jackets to shame. Her looks were pasted down to their two daughters, the eldest, Latula, was about Damara's age and unbelievably annoying. The younger, Terezi, had just came out in Society as a debutante the other week. This was her first ball as a lady eligible for marriage.

  
Damara remembered her own coming out ceremony, not that she particularly wanted to. Her mother had fussed over her for nearly two hours before finally letting her "show her worth as a lady" by walking down a fucking flight of stairs. Her escort was her best friend, Cronus Ampora, who found the entire ordeal just as ridiculous as Damara had.

  
The Amporas were the second richest family in Society. Cronus had once described it as "butt-crazy rich". They had earned all their money through their Scottish fishing company that had boomed in success- so much so, they decided to relocate to America, where Mr. Ampora's sister entered him into Society. Cronus had often said that he got all the benefits of being American, but with the added gift of the "sexy" Scottish brogue that the ladies "loved".

  
Speaking of Cronus, Damara was wondering as to where the ever loving fuck he was, leaving her alone to deal with all these ass-holes by herself. That little dick was late, if he didn't show up soon, so help her god- oh there he is.

  
Draining the rest of her champagne, she stalked up to the Amporas, who were only now entering the ballroom. Reaching the trio of gingers, she hit Cronus in the arm.  
"What the hell took you so long?" she growled.

  
"Hello to ya, too, doll-face," Cronus chuckled, rubbing the attacked spot.

  
"Don't you 'doll-face' me, ass-hole, not when I'm pissed," she turned her attention to the other two men, "Hello, Mr. Ampora, hello, Eridan."

  
"Good evenin', Ms. Megido," Mr. Ampora nodded down at her with a look of general disgust as he spoke, his v's wavering (a stutter that affected the entire Ampora family- v' and w's). She didn't take the look personally- that was just his natural facial expression. Eridan smiled at her kindly before slipping off towards some boys his age.

  
She turned her attention back to Cronus,, "You'd better have a good reason as to why you're late. I had to talk to the younger Zahhak for half an hour. Half a fucking hour. I'm surprised I even survived, to be honest."

  
"Calm yar tits, dolly, We were late because we were pickin' up my guest a' honor."

  
"You have a date." she stated it more of a statement that a question,

  
He rolled his eyes, "No, but ya didn't haveta sound so surprised by that possibility. I'm simply escortin' my new soon-to-be room-mate here tonight."

  
She blinked at him. There were so many things wrong with that statement, she didn't even know where to begin, "I... uh... what? When did you move out?"

  
"Not yet? Well, tomorra, technically. Pa and I finally have gotten far too sick a' each other to continue livin' togetha for any longa. So, I found a block who was lookin' for a room-mate, and told 'em I was movin' in."

  
"That's not at all how you apply to get an aparatment, but alright, um, why exactly is your room-mate here? One does not simply walk in to the Society by choice, Cronners. Hell, I don't even want to be here and I was raised to think I do."

  
Cronus shrugged and took two flutes of champagne off a tray a server was carrying, handing one to Damara, "I dunno. 'E's a lil' bit a' a strange one, I suppose. Said 'e was interested in Society's effect on somethin' or other... 'e's kinda a preachy bastard, I'm ashamed ta say I just kinda tune 'im out for a while."  
"How kind of you."

  
"Don't act like yar surprised- I do it ta ya all the time."

  
"Please, Cronners, you don't need to prove to me what a gentleman you are, I've known your true levels of class for years." She chugged her drink, "Am I going to be introduced to the man you are about to be living with?"

  
"Absolutely not."

  
"What!? Why the fuck not?"

 

"Because yar gonna wanna sleep with 'im."

  
"... Pardon me?"

  
"Look, I'm comfortable enough with my sexuality that I can say that 'e's a very dashin' fella! And yar a slut, so ya'd want ta bang 'im."

  
"Suck my dick, Cronus."

  
"No, see, that's exactly what I'm tryin' ta avoid."

  
"Ha ha ha. No, really, introduce me or I'm go over there and fuck his brains out right here."

  
"Good luck with that," Cronus snorted,

  
"The fuck is that supposed to mean?"

  
"'E told me 'e's celibate or somethin' like that. 'E ain't got no interest in a 'possibly triggerin' sexual relationship'. So, ya couldn't even take off 'is jacket until 'e'd freak out on ya."

  
"I view this as simply a challenge."

  
"Ya are such a whore, it's almost admirable." He sighed heavily and grabbed her hand, "Come on, ya lil' shit."

  
Cronus dragged Damara across the dance floor towards a tall, dark-haired young man, standing rather awkwardly alone near the food table. His face seemed to brighten when Cronus appeared.

  
"Oh, Cronus! There you are! You left me alone and I was afraid I would trigger someone by engaging them in unwanted conversation, so I decided to stand here, silent until you returned, but it seemed you were gone for quite some time so, I ended up just-"

  
"Kankri, shut the hell up." Cronus pulled Damara out from behind him.

  
"Ow, way to be gentle, douche canoe." she grumbled, only to be silenced by Cronus's leer.

  
"Kankri, this is my- for all intends and purposes- 'best friend', Damara Megido. Damara, this is my room-mate, Kankri Vantas."

  
"It's a pleasure, Kankri," she held out a hand,

  
He took her hand with both his own like a politician, his eyes drifting down to inspect her. She took the opportunity to do the same with him.

  
He was of fairly tall and slender build- little to no muscle under his tuxedo. As Cronus had said, he was quite attractive; pale complexion splattered with dark freckles, dark hair spilling over his forehead, and welcoming gray eyes. His smile was large and toothy, with dimples carving themselves into his cheeks.

  
"It's lovely to meet you, Miss Megido! Cronus had told me so much about you!"

  
"He has? Well, good things, I hope."

  
"Of course!" She could tell Cronus was having a spasm behind her, "He tells me you play the violin?"

  
There seemed to be less motion behind her, so it looked like Cronus had stopped seizing, "Yeah, I do. For, like, ten years now."

  
"I play, as well. It's a lovely instrument, He also tell me you enjoy sleeping around?"

  
It sounded like Cronus fell over. Damara started laughing quite hard, "I'm sorry, I didn't trigger you, did I? Oh no, I didn't mean that as a negative thing, I think it's quite respectable that you are confident enough-"

  
"Kankri, are you very nervous about your first Society ball?"

  
"Well, uh, yes, I suppose-"

  
"Yeah, I can tell," she giggled a little more and grabbed his hand, "just calm down. Keep being your insufferably adorable self and they’ll love you."

  
She dragged him along, calling to Cronus to follow them. As they passed, many of the women leered at them, whispering among themselves.

  
"Don't mind them; the ladies of the court are big fans of gossiping.”

  
“Accordin’ ta ‘em, Dams and I are some sorta married couple, or somethin’.”

  
“Yes, the concept of opposite sex friends seem to be lost on them, that’s I’ve noticed.”

  
“You’ll get used to it, trust me. Soon, you’ll had fucked every youngster here.”

  
“A feat only met by ya, doll-face,”

  
“Suck my dick, Cronners.”

  
“Later, darlin’, I just ate.”

  
“And, also, for the record, no matter what Cronus has said, I have not slept with everyone here.” Cronus scoffed behind her, “Shut it, Ampora!”

  
“Of course not-“

  
“Not that it would be bad if I did, I just don’t want you to think I’m better at fucking than I actually am.”

  
“I wasn’t making any assumptions of that nature! I promise you, my mind is very clean! I would never think of another in such an unchaste way-”

  
“Calm your tits, Christ I was kidding! Cronus tells me that you’re- what was the word you used, Cro?”

  
“-celibate-”

  
“-celibate?”

  
He straightened, almost in pride, “Yes, yes I am.”

  
“That’s… quite a vow to make at- how old are you?”

  
“Twenty-five.”

  
She nodded, “Impressive.”

  
“Doll, if ya don’t mind me askin’, were exactly are ya taking us?”

  
“Oh, I thought that Doc might enjoy such a remarkable, peasant boy, what do you think?”

  
Cronus laughed, “Oh, no doubt about it! ‘E’s probably gonna fall in love with ‘im, if I know Doc.”

  
“Pardon me, but who is ‘Doc’?”

  
“Damian Scratch. He’s my grandfather; big fan of scandal.”

  
“Am I a scandal?”

  
“Um, yea. Folks without money don’t usually jus’ waltz in here all high and mighty, chief.”

  
“I was unaware of this! I hope I didn't trigger anyone-”

  
“Kankri, one; if there was drinking game were you take a shot every time you say ‘trigger’, I would be shit-faced and two; who the fuck cares.”

 

“Who the fuck cares about what, Damara?”

  
They turned to see Damian leaning on his cane, his white tuxedo still perfect despite the many dances he had no doubt already participated in. He was always like that- never a white hair out of place.

  
“Doctor,” he was only ever ‘Doctor’ to her; never grandfather, never Pop-Pop- only ever ‘Doctor”, “This is Kankri Vantas,” she gestured to the accused.

  
Kankri gaped at Damian, “You’re Damara’s grandfather?”

 

  
“Well, unless she’s done something embarrassing…”

  
“Oh my! I wish not to trigger you sir, but you look fantastic for your age!”

  
Damara groaned, earning a chuckle from Damian, “I’ve heard about you as well, Mr. Vantas. You’re quite the talk of the court.”

  
“So I’ve been told. I hypothesize that I’m not as big of a deal as you all make me out to be; the explanation provided by Cronus and Ms. Megido was vague at best.”

  
A twinkle appeared in Damian’s eye, “Why, aren't you a well-spoken young man! We haven’t many of those around here, well, I suppose your brother, Cronus, and the Zahhaks… excuse my rant! I’m afraid I do that sometimes… what was the explanation provided by these two?”

  
“That your ‘society’ were culture-shocked by my brash entrance into your world,”

  
“Mr. Vantas, I’m afraid to inform you that they were indeed correct.” He shifted his weight and cane to the opposite side, “We are not used to people just waltzing in the door-”

  
“-I did not waltz, I am completely at a loss as to why everyone keeps using that word-”

  
“-waltzing in the door, proclaiming they are now part of society! Especially one as young as you.”

  
“Well, my apologies for any triggers I’ve caused, however, I refuse to leave.” Kankri puffed out his cheeks like a child.

  
Damara smiled and leaned over whispered in Cronus’s ear, “I think there may be some potential of liking this ass-hole.”

  
“Called it.”


	2. Chapter 2

It was far too early for this shit.

  
However, that’s just how Cronus operated; if a job’s done well before 7 a.m., then it’ a job well done! This was a philosophy that Damara would admire, if the holder of said philosophy was not her best friend who insisted on her helping him move all his shit half way across town at six in the morning.

 

So, under those circumstances, she hated that stupid philosophy with a burning passion.

 

Never the less, there she was; loading Cronus’s boxes into her car, being kept awake by only coffee and a prayer.

  
Behind her, a similar story was held for Eridan, who barely picked up his feet as he made his way next to her with boxes in hand. Dropey eye-contact was made and a groan shared. They both turned to look at Kankri and Cronus who were behind them, chatting in a way one should not be capable of at six in the god damn morning. Another mutual groan was released.

  
“Jesus Christ, I get it, it’s early, calm yar tits. Ya sound like the walkin’ dead or some shit,”

  
“Cronus, do you really think it wise to have them drive together when they are both so tired? They could possibly both fall unconscious and swerve off the road, and-”

  
“Calm down, chief, it’ll be fine! I’ve never know Dams to fall asleep ‘hind the wheel!”

  
“There’s a first time for everything,” she grumbled, causing Eridan to snicker.

  
“What was that, Doll?”

  
“Nothing, nothing. Is that all the boxes?”

  
Cronus surveyed the two car trunks, “I think so! We’re all set then!”

  
A collective ‘yay’ arose from the other three as the climbed into their assorted vehicles- Eridan and Damara into Damara’s Mercedes and Cronus and Kankri into Kankri’s beat-up Toyota. Cronus rolled down the window and poked his head out, “Follow me!”

  
Damara scoffed as she shifted gears, “Fucking nerd,” Eridan yawned in agreement, “I got you coffee,” she nodded to the cup in one of the cup-holders.

  
“Bless ya,” he praised, gulping the beverage down.

  
“So, how was last night?” Though she and Eridan weren’t nearly as close as Cronus and her, Damara did love the little dweeb to pieces and they had a pretty nice relationship.

“Fine, ‘suppose… did ya hear about Fef though?”

  
“No, what of her?”

  
“Well, apparently, she’s got a lil’ crush on yar sista!”

  
“No!”

  
“Yes!”

  
“Well, that little shit! How do you think it’ll work out?”

  
He shrugged, “Knowin’ Fef, it’s kinda hard ta tell.”

  
“Does Radie know?”

  
“Not that I’m aware ‘a.”

  
“Lord, if it did work out, imagine the scandal! A Megido and Peixes? Blasphemy!”

 

“Please, Dam, contain yarself, I may start swoonin’ pretty fuckin’ soon!”

  
“Oh, Danny, you are no stranger to scandal! Is it true what I hear about you fucking that Captor kid?”

  
He flushed darkly.

  
“Oh my god, it is! Good on you, Dan! You guys are like the lisping wonders!!! How the sex?”

  
“Damara!”

  
“I’m just asking! God, whores now-our-days.”

  
“Like yar one ta talk, missy! I heard yar already workin’ on bangin’ Vantas.”

  
“You hear incorrectly,” she paused for a red light, “Why is it that every time there’s a new, available male in the court, I’m trying to fuck him?”

  
“Don’t worry, yar not the only one afta that Vantass.”

  
“Ha, one, that pun was not lost on me and two, what!?”

  
“Yea, apparently, Latula Pyrope and ‘im have some type ‘a ‘past’ so speak.”

  
“According to whom?”

  
“Accordin’ to her lil’ sista, Terezi. They supposedly went out a while back- said it was pretty serious. She was pretty sure it was ‘im, she said that she hadn’t met ta many Kankris, so…”

  
“Says the chick name Terezi.”

  
“I know right?”

  
“I thought Kankri was-”

  
“Celibate? Yea, that’s what Cro said, but…” he shrugged, “maybe he wasn’t until recently.”

  
“He was pretty fucking set on it last night,”

  
“Well, I’m sorry I’m a lil’ rusty on my Kankri Vantas facts, Christ.”

  
“Yeah, well you should be.”

  
There was a short pause of silence, before Damara started giggling.

 

“Hey, hey, Eridan,”

  
“What?”

  
“Was Sollux and yours first date to a speech therapist?”

  
“Oh my god.”

  
“Come on, that was good!”

  
“Unlock this door, I’m jumpin’ out,”  
~~

Surprisingly, Cronus’s new apartment wasn’t all that bad. In fact, it was actually kind of nice. It was, however, obviously, not as nice as one Cronus could have purchased on his own, but better than want she expected from Kankri. Well, that’s what she thought before she saw the interior, which was the definition of Kankri.

  
The front door opened to a quite large, spacious front room. However, every wall was a bookshelf that was filled to the brim with books (upon closer inspection, they were in alphabetical order too, that little OCD shit). Several kind of beat up red couches one may find in a therapist’s office surrounded a reasonably sized television, a few scattered end-tables- also stacked with books and mugs- separating them. The kitchen was small, though obviously well used. Two small sets of stairs behind the kitchen lead into a narrow hallway with four doors along it- three bedrooms, one bathroom.

  
(According to Cronus, Kankri’s younger brother owned the last bedroom, but he was at college, and hence forth, not using it at the moment. Also according to Cronus, Kankri’s brother was named something equally ridiculous, like Carcat or something along those lines)

  
His bedroom is a reasonable size, a little on the small side. It also seemed to be the only room in the apartment not painted a rich brown color; instead, it was a bright white with simple wood floors and not a thing in it but a bedframe. Whoever the previous tenant was, they were obviously not wanted to be remembered.

  
Soon though, they filled empty room with cardboard boxes and half-assembled furniture that the Amporas tried to put together, but Damara and Kankri ended up having to take over seeing as neither of the brothers had ever even seen a screwdriver before. The brothers began to decorate the walls with thousands of pictures instead of painting them, like a normal person.

  
“I’m glad to see you’ve woken up,” Kankri stated as Damara put together a chair and Eridan and Cronus ran out to get food.  
“Yeah, well, it’s not by choice. What time is it anyway?”

  
Kankri pulled out a watch on a chain, “Around seven.”

  
“What the hell is that?” She snatched the watch from his hand, “Oh my god, Doc has one of these things!”

  
His ear reddened as he reached for it, “Please return that-”

  
Damara leaned out of his reach, inspecting the watch. She turned it over to see an inscription, which he read aloud, “ _To my teacher, we love with a love that is more than love_ ” she glanced back to Kankri’s eyes.

  
Kankri flushed darker.

  
“Edgar Allen Poe. _Annabel-Lee_.”

  
He nodded, “My mother gave it to my father. They used to read Poe to my brother and I before bed.Karkat always like _Tell-Tale Heart_ , but I preferred _A Dream Within a Dream_.”

He snapped out of nostalgia and looked down in embarrassment, “I’m sorry, that was… oddly personal. May I have it back?”

  
Damara stared at him as his face got darker and darker. There was period of silence. She inhaled, “Take this kiss upon the brow! And, in parting from you now, thus much let me avow- you are not wrong, who deem; that my days have been a dream.”

  
He looked up, a smile braking onto his face, “You’re a Poe fan!”

  
“Doc was always like the creepy basted. The first book I remember reading was a book of his poems.” She handed the watch back, “My favorite’s _Annabel-Lee_ , actually.”

 

He placed his hand over hers but didn’t move it after that, “I-”

  
The Amporas strode into the room, chatting animatedly. Kankri lowered his hand and watch, ears a vivid red.

  
“Hey dorks, we got yar food,” Eridan tossed the Chinese food containers at the other two, with a grumbled thanks from Damara and a polite one from Kankri.

  
“By the way, doll, ya comin’ ta the house warmin’ party tonight?”

  
“What house warming party? I was not informed of this, what will this do to the apartment-”

  
“Calm yar tits, chief, it’s jus’ a lil’ party that my cousin’s throwin’ for me at _her_ house, Jesus, settle down. That invitation was extended ta both a’ ya.”

  
“Oh.”

  
“Well, I guess, but only if I can trash Peixes’s house.”

  
“But a’ course. It starts at nine, so I can expect you at ten-thirty?”

  
“You know me so well,” she smiled, shoveling moo goo gai pan (cooked in brown sauce, extra mushrooms).

  
“Ya coming, chief?”

  
“I suppose, if it’s not too much trouble.”

  
“How would it be trouble, I was inviting ya-“

  
“Shut up, Cronners,” Damara said, rolling her eyes,

  
“you going, Eri?”

  
“Yea,” he got out through a mouth of shrimp loo mein.

  
“Are you bringing _Sollllux_?” she wiggled her eyebrows.

  
“Don’t say ‘is name like that.”

  
“Like what?”

  
“Like yar undressin’ ‘im in yar mind,”

  
“But I waaaaas. _Sollux Captor_.” she rolled the r.

  
“Stop!”

  
“Actually, are ya bringin’ Sol? I’d like to meet the kid.”

  
Damara stopped rolling her r, “Wait, you haven’t met him?”

  
“I mean, I’ve met ‘im, but not formally as my brother’s boyfriend, nah.”

  
“Oh god, Cro, yar bein’ ridiculous. Ya’ve met ‘im a thousand times over, it’s no different now that we’re-”

  
“Fucking in a broom closet,” Damara interrupted, earning a glare from both Amporas.

  
“I agree with Cronus, actually,” Kankri piped up, “Even if Karka1 `t got a girlfriend I had known prior to their dating, it’s different once they are intimate.”

  
“As if Kar’d ever get a girlfriend…”

  
“Ya’d never get a girlfriend, either, chief.”

  
“Funny.”

  
“I try.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, chapter two! This one is kind of short, really sappy, and a shit ton of Eridan moments. Thanks for the feedback on the first chapter! Hopefully, the story will suck less as we go on haha.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shameless character exposition.

There were a lot of bad things you could say about the Peixes (most of which Damara had stated at one point in time), but the state of their house was not one of them.

 

The mansion- much like their eldest daughter- was over the top. In their childhood, Damara and Aradia used to pretend that Mr. Peixes was actually Jay Gatsby, and Mrs. Peixes truly Daisy Buchanan. They were, perhaps, not far off. It was a 1920’s style estate that’s gates opened to a large stone face, framed by ivy. Upon entering the rather intimidating doors, a gleaming hard-wood ballroom welcomed you warmly and lead you directly to two spiral staircase (white and gold) on either side of a loft, where a piano awaited for a player. If you turn in either direction, two more large sitting rooms lay, both of which furnished in gold and white extravagant furniture. The rest of the house was decorated similarly- every room white, gold, and garish.

 

No matter how many times she visited the home, the sparkle was never lost on Damara. Even when she watched it get trashed by her peers back in high-school, the home still remained elegant.

 

Another constant in the home is that, usually, whenever Cronus was in it, he got absolutely shitfaced.

 

This is no exception.

 

As soon as she and Aradia walk in the front door, a cat call was released, “ _’Ey, Dammmm!_ ”

 

Cronus stumbled up to her, beer in one hand, the other slung around Kankri’s shoulders, “’Ey, ‘ey, ‘ey, it’s _Dammy_! My favorite lady eveeeerrr! AND YAR WEARIN’ THE SEXY DRESS! Kankri, Kankri, Kankri, hey, ya have ta see her _assss_ in the sexy dress! So tight ya can bounce a quarta offa it!” His speech slurring already? Jesus.

 

Kankri glances up at her apologetically, tugging on the sleeve of his cardigan, “I’m very sorry about this, I tried to limit his alcohol intake, but he seemed to-”

 

Damara put up a hand, “It’s alright, Kankri, this happens every time. Just wait for tomorrow’s hangover- it’s hilarious.”

 

He looked more concerned than humored.

 

“Or not.” She sighed before taking notice of the Aradia was still there, “have you met my little sister?”

 

His frown turned into a smile as his eyes landed on the accused, “I don’t believe so, no!” he held out a hand.

 

“Well, I’m Aradia, and you must be Kankri!” she took the hand, shaking it enthusiastically.

 

“Blah, blah, blah, introductions are _borin’_! Let’s get _drinkin’_! ‘Ey! ‘Ey! ‘Ey! Dirk-ey-de-Dirk! Three more beers ova here!”

 

The acknowledged trudged over, holding a try with beer on it and wearing the most ridiculous sunglasses Damara’s ever seen, “You know, it’s usually quite sad when one knows the bartender’s name.” he deadpanned

 

“Shush yer face, ashhhole.” He booped Dirk’s nose (producing no reaction from the server) and handed the drinks to Damara and Aradia. Kankri declined his.

 

“As I’ve told you previously, I don’t drink.”

 

“Really?” Cronus scrunched up his nose, “Alright, more fer me!!!” he downed the rest of his drink before opening Kankri’s.

 

“Why am I not surprised,” Damara muttered.

 

Aradia opened her mouth to respond before getting cut off by a squeal. Both Megidos turned to face Feferi Peixes bouncing towards them. Damara didn’t know if she had been drinking or not, but she didn’t think it would have mattered; Feferi was usually sounded loud, bubbly, and cheerful. Or at least, as bubbly as one could be with a Scottish accent.

 

“Aradia, yar here! Took ya long enough!” Aradia tried to respond, but it was lost in the bone-crunching hug that was forced upon her, “oh, hello Damara!” she cut Damara off as well, turning her attention back to Aradia, “Ya took forever!!! I mean, god, Eridan and Sollux are already makin’ out! Come on!” she grabbed Aradia’s hand and dragged her along.

 

“I’m being summoned,” Aradia growled and followed her. Damara remembered Eridan saying Feferi had a crush on her sister. She smiled distantly.

 

“Damara? Are you still there?” Kankri poked her in the arm.

 

She looked over and nodded. He sighed and went on a tangent about something or other. She took this moment to inspect Kankri’s “party” outfit. It consisted of a slightly over-sized dark red cardigan, starch white button up, and khakis. God help this poor boy. Khakis! To a party!

 

“… seventy-five percent and I really don’t think you are alright because most people don’t let me talk this long without harming me, are you sure that you are feeling alright?” he finished. 

 

“Yeah, yeah, sure, um, Kankri, are you wearing khakis?”

 

He looked confused, “Yes, but I really don’t-”

 

“Jesus fuck, Kankri, who dress you, your mother? Christ almighty. You’re at a party, you should be half-naked by now.”

 

His face flushed before Cronus cut him off again, “She’s right Kankri, ya look like yar sellin’ bibles. Oh, speakin’ a’ which, is Aranea comin? Cause I need to tap that ass tonight!!!”

 

Aranea was her room-mate that Cronus was totally _not_ head-over-heels in love with. She was pretty high up in Society as well, though still lower than the Amporas. She and Damara had never really been close, but no one else was looking for a room-mate when Damara moved out of Damien’s home, so they got stuck together. She was a good room-mate, nevertheless.

 

“She’s already here, Ampora, but remember what you promised me.”

 

He rolled his eyes, “Yea, yea, no sexual advances while drunk, whateva.” He rolled his hands and began to stumble away, “Ey, yo, keep my boy Kanky company, ahight? And rememba yas soba so ya can sexually advance or whateva!”

 

“I hope he dies in a fiery plane crash,”

 

“Wait, what?”

 

“Nothing, Kankri, but back on subject; have you ever been to a party?”

 

“Well, no-”

 

“You’ve never been to party? Didn’t you go to college?”

 

“Yes, but I hardly see how that constitutes engaging in such vulgar activities,”

 

“Vulgar act- Kankri, it was a party, not a fucking orgy!”

 

“Why exactly are we discussing orgies?”

 

Kankri and Damara turned to face a very disturbed Aranea Serket, arms crossed across her chest, blonde eyebrows cocked.

 

“’Cause apparently, it’s not a party without one,”

 

“Ah.”

 

“Have we met? I’m Kankri Vantas, Cronus’s roommate,” Kankri extended his hand in front of Damara at Aranea.

 

“Oh really, just like that, we’re going to forget the orgy conversation,”

 

“I don’t believe so, Aranea Serket, Damara’s roommate.” She shook it.

 

“You know, I don’t think orgies are this easily forgotten in real life,”

 

“Speaking of Cronus, have you seen him?” Aranea’s face flushed somewhat at her mention of Cronus.

 

‘Yeah, but he’s drunk off his ass, Serket, I don’t recommend a conversation, _also_ what’s that business all about?”

 

“What business?”

 

“All the flushy business.”

 

Kankri smiled, “Damara, I am surprised you of all people don’t already know what all that ‘flusy’ business referring to,”

 

“What do- _oh my god, that’s disgusting_ ,”

 

“Oh my god _what_!?” Aranea cried, face reddening.

 

“You _like_ him!” Damara exclaimed like a child, “Ew!”

 

“I- wh- tha- that’s ridiculous! Kankri, I’m sure you don-”

 

“Ms. Serket, don’t- as they say- count your chickens before they hatch, for I’m afraid I agree with Damara, though I am less informed, but therefore, least biased.”

 

“Quite the boyfriend you have there, Damara, you’re a lucky girl,”

 

“Wh- don’t try to change the subject! You want Cronus’s dick, ugh!”

 

“I have implied, nor admitted, any such thing!”

 

“It’s the sub-text, Serket, Jesus.”

 

“All I did was inquire on his whereabouts- which by the way, I still have yet to obtain- so I could make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid!”

 

“Sure you did, ugh. He’s over by the library, looking for you. But don’t say I didn’t warn you, Mrs. Ampora,”

 

“Thank you, _Mrs. Vantas_ ,” she pursed her lips and strode away.

 

Damara rolled her eyes, “If those two hook up tonight, I will never let either live it down.”

 

“Yes…”

 

“You okay, Kan? You seem kind of uncomfortable.”

 

He flushed and shrugged, “I suppose… it’s just that I’m not very familiar with the so called ‘party’ scene. The music is far too loud and the entire home reeks of alcohol.” He scrunched up his nose in distaste.

 

“Wow, you need to just tone down your swagger, Kanks. It’s getting out of hand.”

 

He raised his eyebrows in response.

 

Damara sighed, “Okay, I’ll tell you what, I know a little 24 hour coffee shop not too far, how about we go there until Cronus calls and needs a ride?”

 

“Are you sure it’s wise to leave him?”

 

“Aranea’s looking after him, stop worrying. Come on, it’d be fun. Unless you’re allergic to such an uncouth notion.”

 

He puffed his cheeks like a child, “Don’t be ridiculous, I’m just concerned Cronus wo-”

 

“Vantas, please. With Aranea looking after him, he’ll be done drinking and swallowing Motrin by eleven.”

 

He pursed his lips, “Well, in that case… I suppose it’s alright.”

 

“Good,” she grinned, “you drive.”

 

~~

 

A small chirp signaled their entrance to the café, however odd it might have been, seeing as it was 11:30 at night. The bored looking cashier at the counter perked up and smiled at her customers.

 

“Hello, Damara! How are you today?” she asked in a slight Australian accent.

 

“Fine, Jade. You?”

 

“Got stuck with the night shift again, but pretty alright otherwise!” She beamed, eyes fluttering to Kankri for a second, then back to Damara, “Can I get ya’ll anything?”

 

Damara looked up at Kankri, eyebrows raised. His eyes skimmed the menu before returning Jade’s smile, “May I have a green tea with honey, please?”

 

“Of course! And you, Damara?”

 

“Need you ask, Harley?”

 

“Right, of course, black coffee with a shot of espresso it is!” her smile never faltered while keying in the order, “That’ll be six ninety nine and I’ll call you when it’s ready!”

 

She reached down for her wallet until Kankri handed the exact change over to Jade. Damara frowned and lead him over to her usual table, “I could’ve gotten that. I have more money to waste, you know.”

 

“Damara, I am well aware of your obvious distaste on my less-than-desirable financial state, however, I believe I can manage purchasing you some coffee without filing for bankruptcy.” He inhaled, “In any case, it’s only polite that when engaging an act of friendship, the person who is asked to partake must show equal enthusiasm and support in such ways as-”

 

“Hey, Kankri, guess what?”

 

“What-”

 

She leaned over to whisper his ear, “You talk too much, she brushed his cheek with her lips before pecking his nose and smirking, “But it’s kind of cute.”

 

His already flushed face blushed several shades darker. He opened his mouth to make several strained noises that were covered by Damara’s quiet laughter. Jade called a moment after, and a chortling Damara went to retrieve it.

 

“So, is that your new boyfriend?” Jade automatically asked as she approached.

 

“Give me my coffee, Harley.”

 

“Answer the question, Megido.”

 

She rolled her eyes, “No, he is not. Give me my coffee.”

 

“Oh really, then what was that?”

 

“An elaborate plan to get him to give me the soul of his first born, give me my coffee.”

 

“Damara, he seems nice! And he’s also pretty handsome, _and_ he paid for your drink, he’s obviously good boyfriend material! And you haven’t had a date since Ru-”

 

“Please stop talking.”

 

A messy haired young man poked his head through the employee only door behind Jade, “What the hell are you two fighting about this time?”

 

“Damara has a date,”

 

“Don’t listen to her, John; I have no such thing, give me my fucking drink,”

 

“At 11:30 at night?”

 

“This is Megido we’re talking about,”

 

“Please give me my drink, you insufferable little shit,”

 

“No!”

 

“For god’s sake, woman!”

 

John sighed behind his sister and grabbed the drinks out of her grip to hand to Damara, “ _Thank you_ , John.”

 

“Have fun on your date!” Jade called as she walked away,

 

“Go fuck yourself!” Damara responded, plopping down across from Kankri,

 

“That took a while,” Kankri raised his eyebrow.

 

“That’s because the cashier’s fucking nosey,” she gulped her coffee.

 

“Yes, well,” he sipped his tea, “Thank you for convincing me out of that wretched party; it was getting far too boisterous for my tastes.”

 

“I noticed, yeah. You didn’t really go to too many parties in school, did you?”

 

“Oh, no, I was far too busy,”

 

“What college student is too busy with schoolwork to party?”

 

“Oh, no, you misunderstand. I was quite good at getting my schoolwork early; I had other responsibilities.”

 

“Would you care to share with the class?”

 

“I am afraid it’s quite complicated,”

 

“I have time.” She smirked and rested her chin in her hands, “Go on now, tell me your life story, I know you’re dying for an excuse to talk for an hour anyway.”

 

The corner of his mouth twitched up. “Well, in the beginning, it was just my father, mother, and I, until I was around four, when she conceived Karkat. Naturally, we were thrilled, since it had been quiet with just the three of us. However, my mother’s body seemed unprepared to harbor another human with in it, and was giving her quite the hard pregnancy. When she went into labor, she unfortunately never made it out. Karkat was a healthy- though grumpy- child, despite the difficulties. Since I was so young, I did not yet understand the true sorrow of what just happened and instead rejoiced at Karkat. My father, on the other hand, went to a deep sorrow, He plunged himself into his work as a preacher, barely coming home at night and on the rare occasion he did, was drunk. His alcoholism cost him his job and Karkat and I both had to pick up jobs to make money. 

 

“At the time I was eighteen, my father found life to be far more trouble than it was worth and hung himself. Seeing as all our other family members were also dead, Karkat was put under my custody. It was hard for the first year, trying to raise a fourteen year old boy when I myself was only a child, but I could tell that Karkat was trying to make it as easy on me as possible. He insisted I go to college, and he was the one who originally came up with the idea to rent out our father’s old room.

 

“Once I had completed college, our roommate… _moved on_ , so it was just the two of us again. I’m not implying that Karkat and I have the best relationship, however, I do much rather living with him alone than with interference. However, he decided this year to move in with his friend on campus, so he forced me to put out an application for another roommate. Apparently, he had brought it up to his guitar tutor, and obviously, he felt it necessary to make him apply.”

 

Cronus did tutor people in guitar, though Damara was unaware that Karkat was one of his students.

 

“I believe that brings us to the current moment, no?”

 

Damara blinked at him, “That is… quite the story.”

 

“I suppose. What of you?”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“Well, what is your life story?”

 

“Excessively boring, trust me, you don’t want to hear it.”

 

“Are you a main factor in it?”

 

“Obviously,”

 

“Then I wish to hear it.”

 

“Fucking sly, Mr. Vantas, I see now why you’re constantly swarmed with women. However, I’m afraid the epic tale of Damara Megido is concealed for only those who deserve it.”

 

“Oh? Are you saying I’ve yet to earn my right to hear your life?”

 

“That is literally exactly what I just said. Gotta work for it, virgin boy.”

 

“Well then,” he smirked and leaned back in his chair, “I guess I had better start working then, shouldn’t I?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, as stupid as it was, I have to admit, I really enjoyed writing for drunk Cronus.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heavy CroNea in this chapter.

It had been Kankri’s idea to go on a walk, even after Damara pointed out that most of the stores were closed, so it would be rather dark. He just smiled and said that a little fresh air never hurt anyone.

Main street would have been- as expected- pitch-black if it was not for the sparse street lights that littered the sidewalks. The warm glow that they produced left the town looking like an old movie, slightly too yellow and just a bit ghostly. The golden glow did not match the chill of the cool September air that left goose bumps on Damara’s bare legs.

“Are you cold?” Kankri asked, noticing her shivering frame.

“No, ass-hole, I’m perfectly cozy wearing a dress in the middle of September,” she probably should have listened to Aranea and brought a heavier jacket.

His brow furrowed and removed his pea coat, “Here, take my jacket,” he laid it one her shoulders.

“Not necessary,” that was a lie. 

“Nonsense, it’s my fault that you’re triggered. I made you come outside.”

That was true. She held her tongue on any further argument, because his coat was quite warm and also smelled heavenly. She had predicted that Kankri would because not only did his house smell nice, he just _looked_ like he would. When she pulled the coat up to her nose, she was greeted with quite possibly one of the most pleasant smell she had ever encountered. No surprise, he had the scent of old leather and fresh tea. There was something else though- probably whatever soap he used- that reminded her of apples. 

“Thanks, I guess chivalry isn’t dead after all. Too bad the only people that seem to have it are also dicks,”

He stifled a laugh before glancing at her and stifling another.

“What the hell is so funny?”

“Nothing, nothing,” he grinned, “it’s just that I suppose it’s quite large on you, isn’t it?”

She looked down at herself again and, hey yeah; it was pretty god damn big. Damara was not a very tall to begin with- only five foot two- but in comparison to Kankri’s easily over-six-foot frame, she looked like a doll. The coat almost reached her knees. 

“Oh, shut up, dick-face. Not all of us are fucking giants!” she punched his arm and he was no longer holding back his laughter.

“Well, I think you look adorable, none the less,” he covered his mouth with the back of his hand to quiet his chuckles, “I don’t think I told you, and let my intentions be clear- I wish not to trigger you- but you looked very pretty tonight, Damara,”

“Yes, well, you did hear Cronners. He said this was my sexy dress and this is indeed my sexy dress.”

He turned red and refused to meet her eyes, “A-And that tea was quite good,”

“Yeah, Jade, despite her many, _many_ terrible qualities, she makes a damn good cup of.”

“They seemed very kind, the two at the coffee shop?”

She scoffed, “John and Jade? They’re the siblings from hell, Kank, _siblings from hell_.”

“I doubt that highly, they both seemed very polite,”

“Sure, ‘polite’,” she scoffed, “’Polite’ does not rule out their all-around awfulness,”

“I don’t think that’s a word,”

“I don’t think you’re a word.”

He smiled in response and they fell into a comfortable silence. Damara liked that she didn’t feel the need to talk around Kankri.; it was refreshing contrast from the forced conversation she usually had with people in Society. She never really felt _comfortable_ around her mother’s peers, and every conversation she had was the same thing. Around Kankri, however, she actually wanted to talk. Perhaps it was because she didn’t already know everything about him, but she felt like it was something more. She honest to god liked him. 

“It’s rather late,” Kankri’s calm voice pulled her out of her thoughts, “Perhaps I should take you home.”

“Sure, as long as you remember to swing by the Peixes to get Cronners.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to leave him there and see him try to get home?”

“Kankri Elizabeth Vantas! I am surprised at you! I must be a bad influence,”

“Elizabeth?”

“Well, fuck I don’t know your middle name,”

“So you automatically presume Elizabeth?”

“Fine, mister sassy pants, if it’s not Elizabeth, what is it?”

“Zachariah.”

“That’s an interesting name,”

“Like the book of the bible,”

“Silly me, how could I have mistaken.”

The rounded the corner to where Kankri had parked, and he opened her door for her.

“You’re such a god damn gentleman, were you raised by fucking Jesus or some shit?”

“No, though I did have to go to a lot of parent teacher conferences for Karkat. He wasn’t exactly an angel, and teachers already thought it was my fault- my being a single ‘father’ and all- so I had to be extra chivalrous,” he smiled again, blushing softly, “Besides, it’s a crime to not be so polite to such an intriguing lady.”

“Flattery gets you nowhere, Vantas.”

“It couldn’t hurt, however. Where do you live?”

~~

“Did I tell you already that walking me to my door is completely unnecessary?” 

“Did I already explain to you that I heard your statement and yet, choose to ignore it?”

“Valid argument. This is me,” she turned her key in the lock and pushed open the door, “Welcome to _la casa de Megido_ ,”

“You pronounced that very well,”

“What, you thought the tan was from the sun?”

He smiled and leaned over to flick on a light. As he did, a rough groan sounded from the sofa- one far too deep to be from Aranea. Quirking an eyebrow, Damara slowly walked to the couch and peeked over the back before letting out a groan of her own.

“Cronus, what the fuck are you doing on my- one second- ARANEA!” Cronus groaned again, turning over so his face was smashed into the cushion. The accused entered the living room.

“You called?”

“Oh, hello, how are you, what’s going on- and oh, yeah, what is Cronus doing on our couch?”

“Oh. He got unbelievably drunk, and I couldn’t find you, so I took him home.”

“How did you figure he would get to his house?”

“I knew you would be home, and assumed Kanrki would be with you- speaking of whom; hello, Kankri, nice to see you again,”

“As with you, hello,”

“What does that even mean, ‘assumed’?”

“It doesn’t matter what I meant, he is indeed there, and therefore, I saved you a trip.”

“How did you even get home? I drove you!”

“Oh, I took your car,”

“You… you stole my car?!”

“Yes.”

She stared incredulously at her roommate. “I’ll... deal with your ass later- in the meantime, Kankri, would you mind getting his _drunk_ ass out of my apartment?”

“Not in the slightest,” he strode over to his roommate and at him up before slipping Cronus’s arm around his shoulders and his around Cronus’s waist, “Let’s get going, Cronus,”

Cronus grumbled in disapproval, but leaned into Kankri none the less. Cronus stumbled and Kankri walking a little awkward due to Cronus’s greater height, but they made their way over to Damara.

“I had a lovely time tonight,” he grinned,

“As did I, though I apologize in advance for dealing with his hangover tomorrow,”

His smile fell, “Oh god, I forgot about that. How do I even deal with that?”

“Haven’t you ever had a- oh, wait, you’re Kankri Vantas, of course you’ve never had a hang-over. Pretty much, just keep him hydrated and Advil-induced. Also, get the man some tacos,”

“Tacossss,” Cronus mumbled, smiling crookidly. 

“See? The sheer mention of the word makes him feel better.”

“Alright. Water, Advil, and tacos, got it,” he smiled, “Thank you,”

“Yeah, yeah,” they moved to her door, “good night, nerds,”

“Good evening, Damara,”

~~

Her phone shook with the sounds of the Wicked Witch’s theme from _Wizard of Oz_ and she grinned.

“I quite literally feel like a fuckin’ elephant took it upon ‘isself ta make my ‘ead ‘is personal punchin’ bag,” he always did sound more Scottish over the phone- and drunk. It was like, Scotland personified itself into Cronus’s voice. It was Scotland. Scotland was it.

…

Maybe she had drunk a little too much as well.

“You deserve it; darling, you drank half the fucking town last night.”

He audibly winced, “Has yar voice always been so goddamn high?”

“Nope, it used to be higher,”

He grunted in response.

“Nicely spoken. Is Kankri taking good care of you?”

“No! I ain’t even got a taco yet!”

“No tacos?” she tsked, “I knew that sexy basterd couldn’t take care of you!” a ‘hey!’ sounded from Cronus’s end of the phone, “How about you come over and I’ll make some kick-ass, Grandmama Megido recipe tacos?”

He grunted higher and more chipper.

“You need a ride?”

“Yea,”

“I’ll send your little girlfriend over now,”

“Oh, fuck ya, Kankri’s already here,”

“I meant Aranea.” 

“… Oh.”

~~

“Hey, sexy,”

Aranea rolled her eyes and glanced up from her notes to quirk an eyebrow at her roommate. Damara was leaning against the door frame with her arms crossed. She had heard her talking on the phone a minute ago to Cronus. She had also heard herself mentioned. 

“You doing anything right now?”

Yes. “Depends.”

“Would you mind picking Cronus up.”

No. “A little. Why would I?”

“He’s hung over as hell and needs tacos, so I’m making him some.”

“Why can’t you go pick him up?”

“I’m making the tacos, dumb-ass. You’re invited to dinner, if you pick him up. ALSO you owe me for technically stealing my car last night,”

She had a point. “I suppose I could. If and only if there are tacos at the end.”

“Scout’s honor!”

“You were a scout?”

“No, but I did forepla-”

Aranea cried out to stop which just earned a chuckle from Damara, Damara threw her a slip of paper with his new address on it before stalking to the kitchen. Aranea grabbed her keys

Yes, she had agreed to this on the pretense of Damara’s kick-ass tacos, but she didn’t mind picking up Cronus in the first time. Or, at least, she thought she didn’t. Maybe. She’ll get back to you on that one.

The confusion on the part of Cronus had started a little over six months ago. Growing up, she and Cronus never really got along. Her best friend Meenah was his cousin, so she had to see him a lot, but never really enjoyed it. He was a slim-ball trouble maker and she was a good-two-shoes hall monitor. They weren’t really allowed to like each other.

But then she moved in with Damara. 

Damara was- though somewhat lewd- a good roommate. She cooked and did sparse chores and kept up on rent. The one thing unfortunate thing about her was her best friend. It hadn’t even occurred to her that Cronus and Damara were practically siblings and that he’d be spending a shit ton of time at their apartment. Seeing him at events every once in while turned into seeing him practically every day. 

She expected herself to fling her body off a building, but instead she felt almost… _excited_?

It was odd, her entire life, she had dreaded seeing the ginger menace, but now? Now, she almost looked forward to it. When she asked Meenah about the sudden change in heart, she laughed for ten straight minutes before managing out a giggly, “ya wanna bang ‘im!”

Though its delivery was crude, Meenah was in some way correct. The symptoms Aranea had did indeed point to infatuation. However, at the same time, that was impossible. Everything Cronus did frustrated her. In the moments of extreme anguish, she found it ridiculous she could even think she loved him.

But then.

Then he would smile.

It was a ridiculous situation, in any case. The likely hood of someone like Cronus actually liking her back was so slight it was almost laughable. She was not his type. She was too bookish and wasn’t too wild. He preferred flirty girls like Damara who spend their nights partying, not studying the inner workings of the human mind. 

Sighing, she pulled onto his street. She made her way up the stairs and double checked the address Damara had given her before knocking on his door. She heard clanks and bangs as the door opened to a smirking Cronus.

“’Ello doll,” he leaned against the door frame and wiggled his eyebrows. Kankri snorted in the background at her unimpressed look.

“Oh, hello, Kankri,” Cronus frowned as Aranea leaned around him to smile at hi room-mate.

“Hello Aranea!”

“Are you joining us for dinner?”

“Alas, I cannot. I have some reports to write. I wish you three fun, however!”

“Aww, well. Good luck!” Her smile fell and she glared at Cronus, “You coming?”

“Thank ya for the warm welcomin’.”

“I’m just here for the taco awards,”

`”Flattered.”

She hummed and descended the stairs on step quicker. Behind her, Cronus let out an exasperated breath and then cleared his throat.

“’Ey, doll?”

She turned her head and hummed again.

“I don’t think I ever actually thanked ya for helpin’ me out last night. It was a real solid.”

“It was no trouble.”

“Still. I appreciate it,” he carefully pronounced ‘appreciate’ by each syllable, yet it still came out jumbled in his accent. She giggled. “What?”

“Nothing, nothing,”

“Nah, really, what?”

“It’s just that was adorable- your butchering of the word ‘appreciate’, I mean.”

“I did not butcha it!”

“Cronus, you just butchered the word butcher,”

He mumbled incoherently and blushed before they fell silent. Aranea unlocked her door as he broke the silence, “Still, ‘was a nice thing for ya ta do. I mean, ya stole Damara’s car fer me!”

“Of course, what else are friend for?” she held back a grimace at her own words and his smile faltered.

“Right. Friends.” They climbed into the car and Aranea reached for her keys, “s’that what we are?”

“What? Of course we’re friends,”

He rubbed his temples and sighed, 

“What’s wrong?”

“S’nothing, it’s just that… is that all we’re eva gonna be?”

“I…” her voice trailed off. This. This was not happening, “I don’t understand…”

“Never mind, s’stupid,”

“No, tell me,” he shook his head, “Please?”

He seemed very interested in a loose string on his hoodie, “Look, Ranny,” he was using that stupid nickname Meenah had given to her years earlier, “I.. like ya. A lot. And… well.. I dunno why but I had some crazy idea that ya’d maybe feel the same… I dunno why I’m even tellin’ ya this now because it’s been a year since this all began and maybe it’s the alcohol, but I… I just dunno,”

“Cronus.”

“…”

“Cronus. You are an idiot.”

“I am?”

“Yes. You are. Because if you had actually been paying attention for the last six months, you would have been kissing me already.”

His eyes widened for a second before he smiled- it wasn’t his usual smirk, but an honest-to-god, too-big-for-his-face smile. “Well.. I’m payin’ attention now.”

She smiled too, “So you are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! So that took forever! Some notes on this chapter:
> 
> A) As you can tell, the story is told from Damara's point of view, but I think every once in a while, I'll change. I did that with Aranea this chapter, but the one most used is probably going to be Kankri. The vast majority is going to be Damara though.
> 
> B) Cronus and Aranea's relationship is going to be a sub plot through the story, so you don't have to read it, but I use it as foreshadowing so you may want to.
> 
> C) In like, 2/5 DamKri fics, Kankri gives her his jacket, so I thought I'd give into that cliche. I'm boring. Excuse me.
> 
> D) Damara is Spanish. That is all.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> :EDIT: So, I'm not actually fluent in Spanish, but I'm very happy to say Arabrax has offered to help me out with any translations so that's good! Thanks!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HEY! I'm so sorry for being gone forever, I've been really lazy about writing, and busy with work and school and other personal stuff! But this is not dead! No, I'm still writing it, and hopefully, it will get better from here, since I'm not too proud of the first few chapters... but anyway! hope you enjoy!

There was something going on and Damara just knew it.

She first noticed it when Cronus and Aranea returned for tacos. They both were uncharacteristically happy; Aranea’s poker face was replaced with a beaming smile and Cronus’s hangover apparently gone. At any chance, they were giggling, only silencing when Damara turned her back. When they moved to the couch for chick flicks, the two of them sat freakishly close- and Aranea didn’t even _flinch_ when he put his arm around her like she usually does- she even leaned into it.

There was something awfully odd afoot.

~~  
“I believe you’re just being paranoid,” Kankri’s voice rang out from behind a velvet curtain.

Damara rolled her eyes, “You always think I’m being paranoid. But seriously, I’m not even shitting you; I’m getting some fucked up vibes from them two.”

His hum broke through the make-shift door to the changing room. It had been a few weeks since their first meeting and another ball was coming up- a fundraiser- and Damara had decided that if he was to attend, Kankri would not be renting a tuxedo. She insisted upon buying him proper suits. He fought at first, but caved in eventually. 

So there they were, Kankri changing into his sixth suit that day -a brown tweed one- and Damara waiting outside, venting about her suspicions. 

“Perhaps something happened between the two of them?”

“Like _what_?”

“You’ve known them both longer. Have they ever behaved similar to this before?”

“Not around each other,”

“But they have?”

“Aranea once, but…” 

“But?”

“The situation was completely different.”

He hummed again. Damara had also noticed he did that a lot. Kankri had a calm, low voice, which seemed constantly in use, but he occasionally replace it with a hum. In a great many ways, it said more than his extensive vocabulary ever could.

“You sound like you know what’s going on,”

“Perhaps I do,” He pulled back the curtain and smiled warmly, “But more pressingly, how do I look?”

Upon looking at him, her face grew several degrees warmer. The suit hugged him in the most flattering way, following every sharp curve of his body. He twiddled with the button on the brown vest, flushing ever so slightly.

“You look…” She licked her suddenly incredibly dry lips and grinned, “hot as fuck, good god. Except…”

“Except?”

She moved close to him- an inch away from his face (though her eyes only went up to about his Adam’s apple, which bobbed as she neared)- and gently grabbed his tie.

“This _tie_! Cherry red? Really?”

She moved to take it off, only to have his hand grabbed her own.

“Don’t, it’s my favorite color. If you force me to wear this ghastly suit, I should be allowed a little of my own touch!”

She grinned wider, “I guess that can be arranged.”

There was a moment of silence- not their usual, comfortable silence, this one as thick and pregnant. She had not moved away and his hand remained on her own. Suddenly, she found herself staring at his lips, as if she just noticed how close they were to her own, wondering distantly how they would feel on her own. She bet Kankri had soft lips and they probably tasted as good as he smelled- probably like tea and honey. Some part of her brain scolded her for thinking about Kankri like that- Kankri, for god’s sake! Of all people! Innocent, beautiful, pure Kankri! However, he was also sexy, clever Kankri who looked damn good in a fine suit and shit was his face always this close?

Kankri cleared his throat and dropped his hand. She could feel his burning face as she stepped back and forced a smile as if nothing had occurred despite the fact she was dying inside, “I say go with this one and that gray one, and we can go.”

“R-Right. Sounds good,” he nodded and rubbed the back of his neck, “You know you did not have to do all this. Paying for me is completely unnecessary and-“

She cut him off with a kiss to the cheek, “Shut he fuck up, ass waffle. Consider it a gift.”

“A gift,” he nodded again and smiled, flushing darker, “Thank you,”

“Don’t mention it. You can repay me with sex and booze later.” She laughed at his shocked expression, “Calm your tits, Kanks, it was a joke. However, you are invited to movie night tonight. It’s just me, Cronus, and Aranea watching lame chick flicks- on your couch to be exact- it’s actually kind of pathetic, but hey, it’s tradition. You in?”

“Sure, Shall we check out and go over now? It’s already four,’

“Whatever floats your boat, sweet cheeks.” She winked and slapped his butt.

He jumped and glared at her, “Is it your goal in life to make me squirm?”

“Yes, and I’d say I do a damn fine job at it,”  
~~

There were few things in the world Damara hated more that Fridays. One of which was communism, but Friday nights weren’t too far behind.

The burning passion was first ignited when Damara moved out. Her mother insisted that she come home every Friday for diner with the family, so they could bitch like old times. The offer was thrust upon Aradia in due time as well, though she was far more willing to participate. Damara would far rather spoon out her own eyes with metal sporks than talk to her mother for two hours.

The eldest daughter and her mother never had a good, healthy relationship. This was probably due to the fact Damara couldn’t give two shits less about Society while it was literally the only thing in her mother’s life that matter (beside crushing small children’s dreams, of course). Growing up, she had never quite met the ridiculous standards and expectations her mother had set for her, and ended up ignoring them all together. This ended in Damara’s somewhat agreeable stance with her grandfather, which came in handy when her mother would analyze her life choices at dinner. 

So when Damara got up that Friday, she groaned loud enough for Aranea to hear the kitchen. 

She appeared at her doorway, “Is it Friday already? Gosh.”

“Shut the fuck up, Serket,”

“It can’t be that bad, can it? I mean, at least you get to see your sister,”

The only response that Aranea received was another groan. 

 

~~

“What’s up, sluts!” she screamed as she slammed the door to her mother’s home. 

The scattering of Aradia’s feet signaled her entrance as she slide in front of her sister, which was quite impressive seeing as she was wearing heels and flowery white dress.

“Damara!” she hissed, hitting her sister in the arm.

“Ow! What the hell was that for?”

“Why on Earth do you insist upon doing that?! You know that it gives mother ulcers.”

“Hopefully ones that’ll kill her.”

“Damara!”

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding… mostly.” The only response was another punch.

The daughters make their way into the drinks room of their childhood home. Damara internally groaned as her sight landed on her mother perched regally on a ridiculously large chair, looking rather disgusted with the world. Which, in all honesty, was pretty much her natural facial expression.

Scylla Megido was, in all actuality, a stunning woman. In fact, she looked pretty much exactly like her eldest daughter (something the later resented her greatly for). Her light brown skin was practically flawless and showed not much of her age, aside from the light wrinkles around her eyes. Her rather long brown hair was tied neatly up into an elegant bun, revealing her delicate features (though, granted, they were twisted into a scowl). 

“Damara, why do you insist upon using such vulgar language?”

“Well, I personally blame Republicans’ attempts to censor the youth of America, but that’s just my prerogative.”

Damian chuckled heartedly from where he sat across from his daughter. He earned a glare from Scylla, “Oh, get off your high horse, darling! You raised a funny daughter, get over it!”

Scylla pursed her lips, “’Funny’ is not going to help her at all in the world, _father_.”

Rolling her eyes, Damara turned to man standing by the bar cart, “Mayor, could you get me a whisky sour, please?”

He nodded, “Of course, Miss Damara,”

Damian took a gulp from his scotch, “Aradia, before your mother’s cynicism got in the way, I believe that you were telling us about your new job?”

Aradia beamed at the scape from the tension filling the room, “Yes! The university up the street, um, Derse University? Yeah, they needed a new paleontology professor, and I guess they liked me enough to hire me!”

Damara perked up from her annoyed slouch, “Radie! That’s great!”

“I know! I’m really excited about it,”

Scylla placed her wine down on the table next to her, “Yes, Aradia, that is wonderful. How does it feel to get a stable job before your older sister?”

Damara glared at her mother and opened her mouth, but Damian jumped in before she could respond, “Now, Scylla, lay off the girl. This about Aradia, and her accomplishments,”

“ _Please_ father, we both know that we don’t need to worry over Aradia- at least I’ve always known!” she snapped, “what we need to _discuss_ is Damara’s complete disregard for her future!” 

Damara groaned and leaned back, “Mr. Mayor, keep these whiskies comin’,”

“Well, I’m glad you’re able to find humor in the fact your life is falling to shreds!”

“And, how exactly is it doing that mother?” 

“You’re twenty six, with no job, no husband, and no marketable skills!”

“Thanks for your constant support, mother.”

“When are you going to just accept the fact that your only real option is to take over the psychology offices?”

“Well, Jesus, woman! You yourself just told me I have no skills! I don’t know the first thing about psychology, nor do I _give any fucks!_ ”

(The Megidos owned a chain of therapeutical offices, that were passed on from Damian, to Scylla, and of which Scylla had been bugging Damara to take over for years.)

“Well, what do you want to do, if you have such a clear idea of your life from here on out?!”

Damara blanched before her shrugging, “Avoid becoming you.”

A silence fell heavy on the five of them; Aradia rather uncomfortable, Damara struggling to keep her poker face, Scylla seething, and Damian rather nonchalant about it all.

“So. How many students are you expecting in your class?” Damian quipped. 

~~

Mayor set the lamb down next to Damara, sharing a glance of empathy to the eldest daughter. She shook her head a tiny bit with a smile, waving away any of the waiter’s pity.

Damian chatted happily with Aradia and Damara on Aradia’s new job as Scylla sat with a rigid spine at the head of the table. She drained the last bit of her wine with ice cold eyes digging into her youngest daughter.

“Hopefully, they said that I can start as soon as the fall semester begins,” Aradia was finishing saying, talking a drink of her wine.

“How does Feferi feel about this,” it wasn’t a question, just an ice cold declaration- the first one since Damara’s outburst.

Aradia choked on her drink, “E-excuse me?” 

“Your girlfriend. Feferi. Is she happy for you,”

Damara stared blankly at her sister, before glaring at her mother. 

Aradia’s lesbianism was not a secret. Nor was it a point of issue. Scylla was not pleased about it, but she could do nothing to stop it, and Damian could not care less. Damara obviously didn’t care either. Usually, Scylla would refrain from any comment on the subject of Aradia’s girlfriends.

But this, this _coldness_ this complete disregard of emotion, just icy staleness, it was a sign that this statement was not about her disapproval for Aradia’s love. 

It was her anger at both her daughters not trusting her with their lives.

“Yes,” Aradia stated carefully, “yes, Feferi is very happy for me.”

“You will have her over for dinner next week.” It was not a request.

“Yes, mother.” Aradia murmured.

“Even if you are ashamed of your family,” Scylla spat, “I expected better of you, Aradia. You are not your sister.”

Aradia exhaled, and shifted her eyes to her plate, “And unfortunately, neither are you,” she murmured, only allowing Damara to hear.  
~~

Closing the door behind them, Damara sighed and leaned against the door.

“Another fun, stress-free dinner at the Megido home!”

Aradia turned quickly to her sister, “You have to bring Kankri next week,” she blurted, panicked.

“What? No! Why would I do that? I actually enjoy him, Aradia!”

“Dammy, _please_! You know how much mom _hates_ the Peixeses! She’ll eat her up! But she doesn’t know Kankri! All she’ll see is a handsome, polite, charming young man interested in her daughter, possibly romantically?” 

Damara scoffed, “Please, you’ve met Kankri, you know she’ll scare the shit out of him. He wouldn’t last two seconds… also, there’s no way she’d think he ‘liked’ me.”

“If she talked to him for two seconds, she would.” She grabbed his hands at her sister’s eyebrow raise, “Dammy, please. I really like this girl. Like, maybe even love her. I would be in debt forever more.”

Damara looked into her sister’s pleading brown eyes and sighed, “Fine. _Fine,_ I’ll ask him.”

Feferi would have been proud of the delighted squeals Aradia made.


	6. Chapter 6

The bell on the door of What Pumpkin was completely drowned out by the slamming of the door that followed immediately afterwards.

Jade looked up at her with a cheery smile before it split into a huge grin and she began jumping up and down clapping, “Oh! Let me guess, let me guess! Hmmm, Cronus?”

“My mother,”

“Oh, of course, how silly of me, it is Saturday after all!” Jade turned to make a drink, “So, one cup of good ol’ my-mother-is-a-crazy-sadistic-controlling-bitch-who-doesn’t-appreciate-the-nice-  
beautiful-smart-self-sufficient-woman-that-I’ve-grown-to-be coffee?”

“You know me so well,”

“Well, you’ve bought enough coffee here to let us buy a boat so, it’s only fair. Besides, I’m practically a sober bartender; it fits.” Jade slide the pot into the coffee maker before crossing her arms on the counter and raising an eyebrow, “Alright, shelia, what’s the sitch? What’d your mom do this time?”

“There is not enough coffee in the world, my dearest,” Damara groaned and rested her forehead on the counter before looking up, “She’s angry at me for not getting a job, or a husband, or a cult to follow.”

“I got some Kool-Aid in the back if you’d like to solve that last problem.”

“I’m glad my pain writes your comedy routine, kiddo,”

“I’m, like, five years older than you.”

“Whatever, I have more life experience,”

“Debatable.” she grabbed the pot out from under the maker, pouring it into a cup and adding some creams, “Why don’t you have a job, anyway?”

“My degree is a little difficult to find work in,” she grumbled

“What degree is that?”

“Disappointment,”

Jade glared at her.

“Business and Marketing,”

“Well those are pretty solid, open degrees, girly. I can’t see why you’d have a problem getting a gig within those,”

“Eh, nothing that appeals to me,” she groaned and dragged her fingers through her hair, “urrgh, maybe my mother’s right. I am useless and with no clear sight of my future. I’m the worst,”

“No, that’s self-pitying bull shit. She’s wrong: you just haven’t found anything you’re passionate about. And it’s not necessary to have to feel miserable about a job you hate, you know that right? I mean, you just gotta find what you want in live! I mean, before John and I set this place up, I hated my job!”

“Really?”

“Have I never told you about my life before What Pumpkin?”

“No, not really.”

Jade slide Damara’s drink across the counter, leaning on elbows, “Well, before my loser brother and I flipped the big one at the spirit of merchant capitalism, we both were kinks in the machine of big time business. John was in publishing and _I_ was a biomechanical engineer,”

“Wow, that was unexpected,”

“Yeah, I know, I know. I actually have a doctorate,”

“ _What!?_ You gave that up to-”

“Hush, woman! I’m telling a story! _Anyway_ , I spent many a year of my life learning about this subject that I just _adored_ and could not get enough of it. So, I loved it and was lucky enough to get a job straight out of school, so I jumped in head first. Aaand, I hated it. I mean, really hated it. Like, I’d ask John to shoot me everyday before I went to work, and once I think I complained so much he almost considered it.”

“You still lived with John even though you were a successful engineer and he had a steady desk job?”

“We’re both super dependant, shut up. I didn’t live with him for the first sixteen years of my life, so I’m trying to cherish it- HA! My sad childhood trumps your clever retort!” she drummed the table and fingergunned at her with a triumphant laugh, “Suck it! Anyway, one day, I was sitting at my desk, and this horrible woman named Tracey who was a secretary that overshared about her life and bragged about her torrented affair with her gardener named Rodriguez came into my office and began to complain about there being no coffee in the break room. So I got up and made some, and she took a sip and said ‘that’s a damn good cup of coffee’ and something just clicked. I marched into my boss’s office, promptly quit, drove to John’s work, picked him up, filed his notice, and bought a store front. Ever since then, I’ve never been happier. I love it here. John and I are the closest we’ve ever been, and we’re doing well, and I’ve met people I like, such as yourself, and I haven’t regretted it once.”

Damara smiled, “Thank you for sharing that Jade, honestly. It helps. A lot, actually.”

“Honestly?”

“My hand to god,”

Jade giggled and changed the muffin’s order in the display case. Behind her, the door to the kitchen opened, and John walked behind a similarly black-haired-blue-eyed woman dressed sharply, carrying a red leather briefcase, chatting quietly.

“Hey, why’s Jane here?”

“Hm? Oh, just some financial stuff, that’s all. It’s super convenient having a fancy accountant as a cousin, you get her anytime you’d like.” Jade grinned.

“Hey, John, Jade.”

“Hey, Dam,” John smiled,

“Hello, Damara, how are you?”

“Fine. Well, I mean, my future’s as dull as the knife my mother will use to cut my throat, but the company’s nice,”

“That’s the spirit!” Jade slipped a chocolate muffin, “On the house,”

“How’s business at Crocker Accounting and Financial Affairs?”

“Well, no one has committed a murder suicide in the building yet, so that’s a _huge_ plus.”

“You should get a plaque!”

“It’s at the blacksmith’s as we speak,”

“Well, damn girl, getting that shit done!” Damara grabbed her coffee and muffin, throwing money on the counter and in the tip jar,“Anyway, I got to go. Thank you for the coffee and pep talk, kiddo,”

“Good luck! See you after dinner!” Jade called after her.

“Jesus, am I that predictable and or pathetic?”

“And, not or,” John smirked.

“Well, that’s just great with a capital eight,” 

“Routine is healthy!”

“Shut up, Dr. Phil!”

“Harley actually, Dr. _Harley_.”

“Doesn’t make me feel any more accomplished,”

The door slammed with less finality than it was opened.

~~

“So you’re gonna put off asking Kankri to come with us Friday until…?”

“Thursday.”

“Naturally,”

“Of course because preparing- nah, even just informing him of the hell he is to encounter on Friday, then he will back out and never speak to me again, and I need someone who’s always sober to talk to about how much I hate Cronus,”

“Damara…”

“Wow, a lingerie shop with my sister shopping for a nice surprise for her girlfriend is so not the venue for this conversation.”

“You’re right, you’re right!” she grinned, “You’re a saint for doing this. I don’t really have any female friends that know much about this. I mean, Nepeta, but despite her many positive wonderful attributes, this is not one of them, and Sollux volunteered and seemed somewhat knowledgeable on the topic, but when pressed further as to how, he and Eridan blushed, and I suddenly _really_ didn’t want to know.”

“Good choice, good choice. Man, it’s been a while since I’ve been in here for myself, in like… ever?”

“That’s a lie, you have a rewards card here. You know the lady at the counter’s name.”

“Okay, first things first, her name is Rose, and secondly she is a fine woman, but certainly not a lady. Aint’t that right, Rosie?”

“Preach it, sister!” Rose called from the desk.

“She consents,”

Aradia quirked an eyebrow and smirked minisculey at her sister while sorting through bras, “Besides you practically own the store. I have never met a woman with more underwear than you. You have more underwear then you have shirts to wear over them.” 

“I have my priorities as straight as-”

“Eridan?”

“Oh, shove it, Radie.”

Aradia smiled.

“How is Eridan anyway? I haven’t talked to him since I moved Cronus in, like, a month ago.”

“He’s fine. The aquarium’s totally fawning over him, he’s totally gonna get the job.”

“Oh good! He’s practically the Mozart of marine biology, so, it’d be crazy not to accept him.”

“I know, right? I made the mistake of watching _Blackfish_ with him the other day, and he didn’t stop ranting about the mistreatment of orcas and other animals at Seaworld for two days. _Two days._ ”

 

“That’s what you get for watching _Blackfish_ with a fucking marine biologist! And a god damn whiney one at that! What did you think would happen?”

“What?! I’d never seen it before! I thought it was about how great orcas are! I didn’t know it was about animal abuse, Jesus!” 

Damara threw back her head with laughter and handed a few pieces of underwear over to Aradia, “Here, try this stuff on.”

Aradia beamed and thanked her, before slipping behind a thick black curtain.

“So what’s the occasion, anyway?”

“Hm?”

“Why are you planning to get your girlfriend all hot and bothered?”

“Oh, our one month anniversary,”

“Really? Has it been one month already/”

“Yeah, we hooked up at Cronus’s party and that was the beginning of the relationship, so yeah. One month.”

“Wow. That’s awesome! Good job, babe,” Damara tapped her chin, “We should have dinner together,”

“Damara, are you even fucking with me right now,”

“You know what I mean. ‘We’ as in the three of us, separate from Mommy Dearest, you feel?”

“I dunno…” Damara could hear Aradia bite her lip through the curtain.

“Come on, it’d be fun! I mean, I’ll cook, something nice, like shrimp scampi or something, we’ll pop a bottle of wine, or scotch, smoke some cigars, talk about stocks, and perhaps commit a ritual sacrifice together?”

“The first part sounds okay… I still don’t really know, Dammy. Won’t she feel a little suffocated by meeting all my family at once?”

“Nah,” she paused, “well, maybe by Mother, but I swear I’ll be on my bestest behavior. Promise!”

Aradia was quiet for a second, “Okay. But promise there will be no ritual sacrifice?”

“Pinkie promise!”

“Yayy,”

“It’ll be fun, I swear!” 

“Whatever,”

Damara opened her mouth to respond, but was cut off by her phone ringing (the song: _Spooky Mormon Hell Dream_ ). Smirking to herself, Damara brought the phone up to her ear.

“Hello, Kankri,”

“Hello, Damara,”

Aradia’s head popped out and lit up, “Is that Kankri?” Damara nodded, “Hi, Kankri!” she yelled.

“Was that your sister?”

“No. That was my lover.”

“Tell Aradia I said hello,”

“He says he wants to shoot you and leave you for dead.”

Aradia raised an eyebrow and pursed her lips before popping back behind the curtain.

“Anyway, what can I do for you, Kanks?”

“Yes, actually, I must ask a favor.”

“Yeah, shoot,”

“Are you doing anything at approximately four ‘o'clock tonight?”

“Well, I mean, I did join an underground boxing tournament and am now facing off against the most successful boxer in league, but for you, I can put it off. Why?”

“It has seemed that I have gotten myself in a little predicament here. I’m working today, you see, and my brother showed up a little while ago, and- with my permission of course- took my car from the parking lot, and thus left me without a mode of transport for which to drive home. So, I now am stuck here at this high school for eternity unless there is some other way to make it home.”

“So you need a ride?”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you just say ‘hey, Damara, I need a ride’?”

“Because I have a deep psychological need for everything I say to sound like an excerpt from a paper written by Charles Darwin?”

“Good response, you nerd. The answer is yes, on one condition,”

“Oh god almighty, should I be nervous?”

“I’m insulted. However, probably, yes you should.”

“Okay, I am all ears,”

“You need to fund my new passion for illegal boxing.”

“Good-bye, Rocky,”

“Okay, Adreian, see you at four,” she hung up, smiling to herself.

“Are you picking him up from work?”

“Maybe,”

“How domestic of you,”

“Don’t forget that I know Rose’s sister’s birthday,”

“Her name is Roxy and she's a recovering alcoholic,” Rose called from the fishnet stockings.

“Thank you, Rose,”

~~

Kankri explained to her about his job the second week they met. The local school- Prospit-Derse High School- had a very strange assortment of course offered. One of those courses being Theology, and coincidentally, that was the subject in which Kankri majored in at the college his brother made him attend. And since Theology was not the easiest subject to find work in, Kankri took the position a few years ago, and was apparently a favorite teacher among the female and gay male student population. To no surprise of anyone.

~~

Damara pulled into a visitor’s parking spot and slipped out her car. Locking her door, she stalked up to the front door of the building and groaned. She went to school in that very building, and was still trying to block the remaining memories. 

In front of her as she entered the building was a small desk with a very curt looking woman sitting at it, typing away on a severely outdated computer. She looked up at the sound of Damara’s foot steps and oh wow, was it even possible for that woman’s face to look more like she ate a lemon? 

“Yes?” she posed, voice high and reedy.

“Um, yes, hi, I’m looking for a, um, Kankri Vantas? Or, uh, a Professor or Mister or whatever,”

“You need a visitor’s pass.” She ripped a sticky note out of a small notepad and scribbled on something, “Name?”

“Megido, um, Damara Megido? D-a-m-a-r-a M-e-g-i-d-o.”

The woman scribbled her name on it and slide it over to her. Damara smiled her thanks and attached the nametag to her shirt, “Upstairs, to the right, down the hall and the last door on your left.”

“Thank you,”

Damara followed the woman’s instructions until she found an open door at the end of hall, marked with a laminated white sheet reading “VANTAS, THEOLOGY 101”. She looked down at her watch, reading 3:56. She smirked to herself and put her ear near the crowning.

“... and okay, last question, guys, then we will be done for the day. Which are the religions that people find easiest to join, and are thereforth, worldwide?”

“Sciencetology and that one Jim Jones ‘s cult,”

Kankri whipped around with wide eyes, “Damara?”

His seemingly bored class all turned towards the door, many girls and a few boys looked threatened by the pretty woman that brought the blush to their hot teacher’s cheeks, and the rest of the boys perked up obviously excited by the presence of a beautiful woman.

“What’s up, teach?”

“You’re early,”

“As a rooster with alzheimer,” 

Kanrki beamed before apparently suddenly remember he had a class to teach, “Oh! Guys, this is my acquaintance, Damara. She was kind enough to lend me a ride this afternoon.”

“How’s it hanging?”

The class muttered some greetings.

“Well, it’s almost four anyway, so we can just end class here. Don’t forget to read up on Western mythology and the development into religion, and comparisons of folklore to theology.”

The classroom automatically erupting into chitter chatter and Damara flopped onto Kankri’s chair, propping her legs up on desk.

“So, babydoll, this is where you make the gravy, huh?”

Kanrki shrugged, “It does indeed pay the rent as they say.”

“Oh my god, you big nerd.”

“Is that _not_ idiom?”

“Yeah, but not pronounced like that, Jesus Christ,”

Kankri’s retort was cut off by the shrill ring of the bell, at which the students surrounding them grabbed their book bags and bid goodbye to Kankri.

Once every teenager was filed out of the classroom, Kakri began filling his own messenger bag with his books and notes, “I greatly appreciate this,”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it.”

“I owe you a favor,”

“Just remember that, loser.”

He grinned, “You ready to go?’

“Yes, ma’am,”

~~

Damara had a talent of calling at the absolute worse times (he knew it was Damara since she had set that ridiculous song as her ringtone and he was far too fond of her to change it). Once he had been in the middle of lecture, another while having it out with Karkat in a grocery store, as per norm. On the Friday in question, he was balancing an herbal tea on an entire stack of books and forms- while also trying to enter his apartment- when he heard the putrid tones of Tiny Tim erupt from his coat pocket. Groaning, he unlocked the door and shifted himself to trap the books between the wall and him, balancing them on his knee and one arm as he answered.

"What, Damara?"

"How did you know it was me? Oh yeah, ‘Living in the Sunlight’,"

"Ah yes, the song that haunts my dreams. Is there anything particular you need to discuss with me or are you just gracing my day with the lovely sound of your voice?"

"Would you be disappointed if it was the last?"

Wow, way to sound like Karkat, “Of course not! It’s only-“

"Calm your tits, Kanks, I’m joking!"

"I assure you my breasts are quite calm."

"Oh, I love it when you talk dirty; what are you wearing? I bet it’s khakis."

"Is there nothing else for you to do but torment me?"

"Yes, but this is more fun!"

"I’m sur- ah SHIT!" his impressive balance fell and the string of anguished noises were let out as he grabbed for the tea ended when he caught it.

"Jesus! Are you alright?!"

"Yes, I’m fine!"

"What the hell was that?"

"Ummm, The Bible- so, uh, why did you call again?"

"Oh, I need a favor,"

"That’s an off putting statement coming from you," he took a knee to gather his spewed supplies.

"Oh, shut up, you owe me. Anyway, so you know how my family does Friday night dinners?"

"I recall you referencing them, yes,"

"Well, apparently Syclla found out about Feferi and Aradia fucking, so she wants to have her over for dinner to interrogate her or whatever,"

"I’m following,"

"However, Aradia is all nervous because Scylla's not exactly Feferi’s number one fan-"

"Wait, but I thought she was cold set on the social order?"

"She is,"

"Then why doesn’t she fancy Feferi? Isn’t her mother a god?"

"Yeah, but Feferi’s in a sense- well, me- in that she doesn’t really care about that shit, even though she’s supposed to take over her mom’s dictatorship one day. Mommy Dearest finds this to be an act if blasphemy against society Jesus and Feferi-"

"Feferi is Judas, I understand now. Continue."

"So Aradia’s shaking in her domanatrix boots that Scylla'll go full on bitch on her weird girlfriend fuck buddy thing, but she thinks that if there’s a person she doesn’t know too well- but likes none the less- she’ll be all civil and not blow chinks of hatred over Peixes. That’s where you come in."

He paused. Was she implying… no! Of course not! “I… don’t follow?”

"Well, she’s yelled in front of Cronus so many times she doesn’t care anymore and she’s far too comfortable with pretty much all if Aradia’s friends, but /you/. You, she’s never met, but have heard wonderful things about you! You’re perfect!"

He flushed at his apparent level of perfection, “how has she heard only good things about me?”

She stammered m, which made him smile in spite of himself, “W-well, Doc is in like love with you, and I-I’ve mentioned you in passing so- listen, do you accept or not!?”

"I’m still confused as to what I’m agreeing to."

She sighed “Will you come to my family dinner with me at six, tomorrow?”

Would he!? “Oh! Of-of course!”

She sighed again, but this one was deeper and relieved, “You are the best oh my god! Trust me- there will be ton of appreciatory sex for you!”

He flushed darker, “As simply ‘thank you’ would suffice, Damara,”

She hummed, “I’ll pick you up at 5:30 then,”

"I can pick you up,"

"In your car?"

"What’s wrong with my car?"

"My mother will think one of the gardened left it out there and’ll have it towed."

"I’m hurt."

"Yeah, well, get used to it, my mother keeps her lovely figure by drinking only the tears of the innocent. She can look at you and pinpoint the very thing that will crush you. Anyway, dress nicely. Not that you ever dress casual, but."

"Good bye, Damara,"

"Farewell, Kanks."

Hanging up, he finally gathered his things (though only just) and stood.

"Way ta score, chief. Dinner with the parent already,"

Turning, Kankri was met with Cronus sitting on their kitchen counter, spraying whip cream into his mouth and popping blueberries like pills, “Cronus! Were you sitting the the whole time?”

"Ummmm yea."

"And you didn’t think to help me when my work all collapsed to the floor?"

"Oh, nah, I did; it’s jus funny ta see ya struggle."

He shook his head slowly”Incredible,”

He grinned and held out his hand, “Blueberry?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY DOKEY so that's a thing that happened, groovy. Awesome. So yeah, it's pretty late here, so I'm kinda brain dead, but I don't think I have anything to say, so... yeah. Hope you enjoyed!


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